How to be your own best friend
Mural by Tara Velan (ig: @yesitstara), Seattle, WA
Mural by Tara Velan (@yesitstara) | Seattle, WA
Hi my dears,
When your dog is afraid of the vacuum cleaner, do you yell "WTF is wrong with you dog, it's just a vacuum!" or do you say, "Oh, boo boo, I know this is scary and I am so sorry! it will be over soon!"?
You absolutely deserve the same love and tenderness! Yet, have you noticed that sometimes you say things to yourself that you would NEVER say to another person because they are so mean?
Mindful Self-Compassion is a powerful tool that is so much more effective than shame or guilt. It's not about bright-siding, bypass or letting yourself off the hook. It's about holding yourself with love and kindness when you are suffering and is a wonderful practice to support Digital Mindfulness.
Next time you feel like you "should" be spending less time on your phone, try walking through these three steps from Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer's beautiful The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook.
1. Mindfulness: What is actually happening in this moment? Can you look at it clearly based on the here-and-now without judgement? For example, "I am spending more time than usual on my phone and feel out of control. It feels impossible to put it down. I feel anxious, unsettled and ashamed. I am suffering."
2. Common Humanity: Recognize that ALL of us struggle, have flaws, insecurities and shame. "Most people are spending more time than usual on their phones and screens right now. I am anxious and afraid. I want to feel connected and informed. I know that social media platforms are intentionally designed to keep me scrolling and coming back for more to keep my eyes on targeted advertising. This is a common source of suffering and I am gentle with myself as I hold this reality."
3. Self-Kindness: What would you say to a close friend who was having the same struggle? Put your hands over your heart, take a deep breath, and offer those words of kindness and encouragement to yourself. "I am feeling fear and grief and am seeking comfort. It is painful to be with these feelings, and my phone is an effective distraction from them. It is ok for me to seek a sense of community online - in fact, it's imperative in the age of COVID-19 - but I can also engage in practices to be with my emotions and soothe myself without picking up my phone."
This exercise pulls you into the present moment and gives you a chance to tenderly address the underlying causes of your screen obsession. And guess what? When you feel held in this way, you will feel resourced enough to put your phone down for a while.
Be gentle with your precious self.
Much Love,
Christina
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