Let's talk about email overwhelm.

Let’s talk about emails.  Drowning in them.  Burdened.  Overwhelmed.  You step away for 5 hours and come back to 47 emails.  WTF?!

Actor Ashton Kutcher once famously stated that that email is “everyone else’s to-do list for you.” He and many others have promoted this idea that we are under no obligation to answer email.  I disagree.  Ashton Kutcher is not my life coach. 

As human’s we are wired to connect with others and one of the social contracts that has eroded over the past 15 years is an expectation of relational accountability and responsiveness.  

We have learned to avoid messages (email, texts, DM’s) rather than doing the uncomfortable work of saying “no” or “I don’t have the capacity to do this right now.”  

As a psychotherapist, I’m here to tell you that this causes a lot of suffering and confusion for both the sender and avoider.

I am not suggesting that we respond to unsolicited requests from strangers or spam!  Just that we find a way to tie up loose threads and respond to people who matter and to whom we have commitments.

 A couple of years ago I was corresponding with an “influencer” who was very interested in my work, wanted to have me on a podcast and offered to promote one of my retreats.  

Great!  I admit I got kind of excited.  But somewhere along the line he stopped responding to my emails.   I assume he changed his mind about promoting my stuff, which is understandable and totally fine.  What was confusing was to have him just drop off the face  the earth.  

We’ve all been there, right?  I would have much rather received a “no” than wasted time wondering where this broke down.  Avoidance is not a boundary.

At this point you may be bristling at these ideas or feeling guilty.  That’s the last thing I want for you!

Instead, let me offer you some ideas for managing your email so that you can reduce overwhelm and be responsive and accountable to people who matter.*

1.    Only open your email application when you have a chunk of time available to answer emails.  

This has changed my life!

I used to check my email constantly and carry around a ton of anxiety about what was lurking in my inbox when I could do nothing about it.  I would check mail during my 10-minute between therapy clients and feel distracted during my next session, planning my responses to email rather than focusing on the human being sitting in front of me.  I would check email before going to bed and toss and turn all night.

Constant checking increases our sense of burden.  Close your email app and disable notifications.  I know this is hard.  But it’s so worth it.

2.    Decide how often you want to check your mail.  

This will vary from person-to-person.  I check email once in the morning (after completing high-priority tasks), once in the afternoon and once at the end of my workday.  

An unexpected benefit of this practice is that email is kind of fun again.  Since I am not constantly refreshing, I feel more surprised and engaged by my inbox.

3.     Use your vacation responder to give yourself some margin.  

If you email me, you will receive this message: 

“Hi Friends! I am drowning in email these days and may take up to a week to respond to yours.  Please be patient with me!  If your inquiry is time-sensitive, feel free to text me at 206.414.8251.  I look forward to touching base soon.”  

On my therapy practice email my autoresponder informs people that my practice is full and offers a link to my referral page.  

This has saved me hours of time, expresses care, and offers a next step for folks seeking counseling.  Because how bad does it feel when you reach out the several therapists and no one gets back to you?  This is sadly pretty common.  

I cannot tell you how much less pressure I feel to frantically respond to mail since I instituted this change. 

4.    Spend 5 minutes each morning unsubscribing from email lists you do not want to be on (not this one, of course!) 

5.    Explore email management tools.  I’m not recommending anything specifically here because there is so much out there, but a quick internet search will yield tons of options.  

It is possible to stay accountable and responsible on your own terms.  I’d love to hear from you about your experience trying some of these strategies or other tools and tricks that have worked for you.  

*I know that some of you are in work situations that don’t afford you to opportunity to operate in this way.  If that’s the case, contact me so we can brainstorm some customized ideas to help you manage email.    

P.S. If you’ve read this far, thank you! I invite you to join my mailing list for occasional musings and updates on retreats and events. I won't spam you, or share your data. Let's start supporting small businesses on platforms they own!