Avoidance is not a Boundary

Hi Friends!

As a psychotherapist, I spend a lot of time talking about the importance of boundary setting and I've noticed that people often state that they have “set a boundary," when in reality they have just avoided a person or a discussion.

Texting in particular makes it so much easier to just cut-off, "ghost" or avoid people we do not want to have hard conversations with. And have you noticed that it's become much harder to get a response to an email compared to just 5 years ago? Frustrating, right?

We might feel like ignoring or avoiding a person is preferable to saying no to them. But in reality, it leaves the avoided party feeling hurt, rejected and confused and the avoider with a sense of anxiety, guilt and unfinished business. What if you run into the person in real life that you have snubbed and avoided electronically? Do you want to be in a constant state of anxiety and fear of having to face someone that you blew off with no explanation? .

I believe that avoiding a conversation or a person is not a boundary. Boundaries are empowered, intentional, and a response to something or someone. Avoidance is (most often) passive and reactive. . Next time you need to say "no," or "I don't want to date you," try addressing it directly rather than just avoiding the hard conversation. It will help you AND the person you have been avoiding to move on.

Much Love,
Christina

P.S. If you’ve read this far, thank you! I invite you to join my mailing list for occasional musings and updates on retreats and events. I won't spam you, or share your data. Let's start supporting small businesses on platforms they own!